Have you ever had that nightmare where you are up in front of a group of people giving a speech of some sort, and just as you begin to speak, the words don't come out?
I did that yesterday....except I wasn't asleep. I was actually in front of real people, and really froze up.
The most interesting part of the entire equation was that this was not my first time performing. Or even my second time.
This was my third go around at reciting some pieces in front of a crowd of people.
Now, I did try to muscle my way through the two pieces that I botched, but for the first time in my memory, I was at a loss for words.
For those who know me...I can talk...a lot.
I tried to repeat lines, focus quietly, and do whatever I could, but there was nothing I could do to retrieve those words. The words were nowhere near 'the tip of my tongue', and were more so, trapped in my book-bag on the sheet of paper that I refused to bring up with me. My bad.
Thankfully, this was not 8 Mile, and this crowd was not nearly as ruthless as the crowd that destroyed B-Rabbit when he choked. Quite frankly, everyone was very supportive, and extended a lot of love which was greatly appreciated.
When I weaseled my way off of the stage, a little surprised by what transpired, I couldn't help but laugh. Here I was, on my third effort and this happened. Three times is by no means enough, but naturally I thought it was.
I tried to remember more pieces than I was clearly ready for, and learned that baby steps are always necessary. Even though I had a couple appearances under my belt, and I felt comfortable with the pieces that I had worked on; you can never question or overstep nature. Nature does what nature does.
So as the embarrassment fizzled away, oddly enough, I felt a sense of liberation. The exact nightmare that I had on the eve of my very first book report in elementary school, had since disappeared for several years.
I had made it through school presentations relatively unscathed, and on my first two post-school appearances, (the one's that I expected to come up short with) I felt pretty smooth as well.
But when this moment reared its ugly, yet unavoidable head towards me, it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected it would be for all these years. The nightmare now seems so insignificant, since I experienced it and survived.
Considering I was basing everything off of the 8 Mile version, my perspective was a little bit skewed. Similarly to B-Rabbit, afterwards, it didn't hurt. It was far more encouraging knowing that this mishap didn't rattle me any more than just an "off night". We all have them. As always, whenever I fumble, it becomes material for me...it's a win/win scenario.
Briefly, let's refer back to my baseball playing days as discussed in A Dose of Patience. A random analogy popped in my head, and I'd like to try it out.
So on the first pitch, or my first appearance, I hit the ball, but it was a foul. I made it through but could have made some adjustments. For the second one, the same things happened.
But on that third one though?
I went down swinging. 2 fouls. 1 strike. Third time's a charm. Thankfully in this baseball game, I have unlimited innings.
That is the extent of my baseball knowledge...I hope that analogy makes sense.
When I woke up this morning, I did my normal routine and felt no difference. The cloud of uncertainty regarding a possible brain freeze had dissipated into the atmosphere, and new ideas came pouring out, hence why I am writing this specific post pertaining to my latest blunder.
I recognize that sometimes things go left, but that is not a reason to fold. It builds characters...and molds stories. It is true that things won't always go your way, but these moments help to define you. A good friend of mine used to always say "It's all a part of the story..." and that's exactly how life goes.
Step up to the plate as often as you can with confidence. Build your confidence through preparation. Even if you do both, and it still doesn't go as smoothly as you expected, understand it is simply a bump on the road towards a much more fulfilling journey. If everything always went well, we would never know really know what success was.
So there you have it. Another chapter closed of Club SEBU. If I didn't bore you, and you've made it this far, I appreciate you. If I bored you 10 posts ago and you no longer read them, I appreciate you as well.
But if you were bored 10 posts ago, and are still here...
I'll just leave that there.
Until next time,
Long Live The People
コメント